Faith and Knowing
by LadyDae
Summary: Anakin Skywalker is dead. That's what everyone believes except for two people: his wife, Padme "Amidala" Skywalker, and his Padawan, Ahsoka Tano. They don't know each other, but the two put their differences and wariness about each other aside to take matters into their own hands. They're going to find Anakin Skywalker; the Republic, the Jedi, and dark side machinations be damned.
1. Chapter 1

** AN: **HELLO EVERYBODY! Lol.

Told you I'd be back one day. I didn't know when, and I didn't know with what story, but Lady Dae is back after writing and self-publishing a couple of books (they're in my profile), graduating from college, and not finding a job (sigh). Yeah.

Anyway, I've been on a Star Wars kick lately. I mean, I never stopped being a fan. I never stopped reading Star Wars fanfiction, but lately I've wanted something different. I wanted a good Ahsoka, Anakin, and Padmé fic and to my disappointment, the fic I wanted was nowhere to be found and all the good writers who used to write things like that aren't active anymore. So I decided, why don't I write it? Which was the reason I started writing Star Wars fanfiction in the first place.

Thus I found the beginnings of this jewel of a story on my computer and after reading through all my old stories and some editing, because man have I improved in my writing since _Descension into Darkness, _I decided to post this. It's an alternate universe where RoTS didn't happen in the way it happened in the movies, primarily because Anakin didn't turn to the dark side in this story for reasons that will be explained as the story progresses. Also, Ahsoka didn't leave the Jedi and that whole ordeal with her being framed didn't happen either, but mostly cannon until then. That said, I'm not done writing this story. I'm four chapters in. So I can't give you an update schedule, especially since I'm working on my next original novel to self publish soon, but that doesn't stop other fanfiction writers and I decided not to let it stop me either. We'll just see what happed. So without further ado:

**Faith and Knowing**

* * *

**Chapter One**

For some reason, a reason Padmé Naberrie Skywalker couldn't put her finger on, she had a feeling it was going to be one of _those_ days; those days where something happened that was completely out of her control, no matter what she did to stop it; where she felt like the galaxy might decide to cave in on itself; where she would later wish she hadn't gotten out of bed. Regardless of how she was feeling though, Padmé had got out of bed anyway, following the motions of the usual routine of getting herself prepared for a long day at the Senate.

Leia rushed into the room as Padmé was combing out her brown curls.

"What is it sweetheart?" the woman asked absently, unable to shake the hollow feeling.

"Where's daddy?" she demanded, concern etched into the features of the three year old girl. Her usual serene and angelic features replaced by a seriousness Padmé had no idea a three year old could possess.

Caught off guard, it wasn't until Leia made her demand a second time that Padmé replied.

"I'm not sure. He was headed on a mission somewhere in the outer rim," Padmé replied brushing off her daughter's uncharacteristic behavior. Leia never asked about her father except for the occasional question of when he was coming back. It was Luke who was always wondering where he was at, what he was doing, and if he was succeeding on his missions.

Leia stared at Padmé silently for a moment and then walked back out the room. She was growing up so fast, both of her children actually. It seemed only yesterday her twins had been born. Anakin had been so elated, so proud.

She smiled as her thoughts went to her secret Jedi husband. It had been an incredibly challenging but rewarding last few years, where everything they had worked so hard for could have been lost. The Clone Wars had dragged on for three tiresome years officially, but its affects still plagued the galaxy. It would be years before the republic was stable again after the havoc Palpatine, who turned out to be the Sith Lord the Jedi had been looking for, had caused by orchestrating a war to try to take over the galaxy. Of course, the public didn't know that. As far as they knew, Palpatine had been assassinated by the Sith, his body lost, and Anakin Skywalker, the galaxy's hero with no fear, had slain the Sith Lord who had committed the deed. It had taken a large amount of covering up by the Jedi and a few key members of the senate to keep the real story from getting to public. To think what would have happened if the galaxy knew that a Sith, the enemy of the Jedi thought to be legend, had worked his way into the political arena and plotted to take over. They would lose what little faith they had in democracy and the Republic. How would they know there wasn't another Sith ready and waiting for his chance?

So it had been with great reluctance that the few people who knew vowed not to reveal the truth, Padmé included. But that didn't solve all their problems. If Palpatine had been trying to break the galaxy's faith in the Republic to make way for his dictatorship, he had done that. With its leaders dead, the separatists had grudgingly admitted defeat and surrendered. Negotiations began, and treaties were signed, but that left the leaders of the galaxy to try and restore a war torn galaxy where there was the constant risk of more wars breaking out as people starved, tried to find shelter, and fought over resources.

It was the reason Padmé still found her husband snatched away from her too often for her liking. They had agreed that even though the war was over, they couldn't leave the Republic to deal with the aftermath. The galaxy still needed them. So their secret remained that way, a secret. But Padmé's children could not remain that way and as soon as the media got whiff of their birth a few weeks later, Padmé could no longer deny that she was in some kind of relationship or else there would be scandal. So she used the excuse that her husband preferred to stay out the public eye and the public loved her enough to respect her wishes.

Padmé made her way to her closet to pick out her outfit and get dressed before she would go and prepare the twins for the day. But she stopped in her tracks and ran to her children's room when she heard Luke scream.

"Daddy!" he yelled.

Padmé rushed to his side almost knocking over Leia, who was at the side of her brother's bed looking at him with watery eyes, lips trembling with the effort of trying not to cry.

"What's wrong Luke?" Padmé asked pulling him in her arms, but her little boy wouldn't stop crying. So Padmé turned to Leia. "Leia, what's wrong?"

Leia swallowed before saying, "He was having a bad dream. He kept calling daddy. And then he woke up."

With that the tears the three-year-old girl had been trying to hold in began to stream down Leia's face as she buried her face in her mother's stomach,

"What's going on?" Padmé asked.

"Something bad happened mommy," Leia replied.

Padmé could have sworn the temperature dropped because suddenly she was so cold, heart tight and beginning to ache in anxious anticipation and dread. When her children said something bad happened, something bad _happened_, and Padmé had the horrible feeling, the same feeling that she had awaken with a couple of hours ago, that it had something to do with her husband. She heard her data-pad go off at that moment and carried Luke in one arm and led Leia along with her open hand as she went back to her room to check the device. There was a notification of a message one of her closest friends and colleagues, Bail Organa.

_Have you checked the news yet?_

Padmé frowned. Usually she was would have turned it on by now, but she had no time for news when she had to calm down her hysterical children.

_No. Why?_ she typed back and sat Luke on her bed as she waited for the reply.

_You may want to._

The reply was short and curt, and Padmé's instincts told her she wasn't going to like what she saw when she turned it on. Timidly she walked out into her living room, the tightness in her chest getting worse, and picked up the remote to the holo projector and turned it on. It was still on the cartoon channel that Luke and Leia had been watching the evening before. Padmé's hands shook, fingers barely able to become steady enough to press the buttons on the remote. Finally, she got enough control over her digits to flip the channel and a second later the remote fell to the ground, her shaky hands coming to her mouth.

Across the screen flashed the _Breaking News_ banner, but that wouldn't have been needed to catch her attention as the headline was enough to send her into shock.

_Anakin Skywalker DEAD._

Padmé didn't know how long she stood there, how long she simply stared in disbelief at what she was watching. She didn't even comprehend what the newscasters were saying as her eyes read the headline over and over again; as she realized why her children were so distressed. It had taken some effort on her and Anakin's part to hide her children's Force talent, forging their midichlorian test for one, and then Anakin using his own abilities to shield their bright presences from the Jedi. And to keep it that way, he refrained from teaching them much of anything about the Force although they were very well aware that if they wanted to, one day they could be a Jedi like daddy. But that didn't mean that their abilities were dormant. Sometimes they knew things they weren't supposed to; detected emotions that weren't readily seen in people's expressions or demeanor; sensed when events, bad or good, were about to happen. If it was important, like something wrong with their father, it bothered them, nagged them to the point of tears… Tears. Luke had seen something. Luke knew something, and Padmé could learn much more from talking to her son than she could ever learn from watching the news.

"Luke," she said frantically going back to her room and putting Luke in her lap. "Luke. What did you see? What happened to daddy?"

"He was hurt," he whined.

"Hurt how?" Padmé asked and when Luke didn't answer she added, "Was it bad?"

"I don't know," he answered.

"It was dark, a bad man mommy," Leia whispered looking down and then back up at Padmé. "Mommy is daddy going to be okay?"

Padmé looked between Luke and Leia before clenching her jaw in determination.

"He'll be fine, and he's going to come back to us," Padmé assured them and if she had anything to do with-and she was definitely going to-that was a promise.

* * *

Ahsoka stealthily snuck her way in the temple in the early morning hours. If her master was there, she surely wouldn't have gotten away with it, but alas he was gone on a mission and she could escape a long stern lecture. Hypocrite… Always getting on her about her late nights while he was always off having his own clandestine affair though Ahsoka wasn't sure who it was with. She confronted him about it once, when he caught her sneaking back into their shared quarters for the umpteenth time. It had gotten him off her back for all of maybe five seconds before he sighed and said he was just worried about her. She hadn't been quite the same after that botched up mission a few years ago.

She sighed as she threw her cloak over a chair and started to make her way to the bathroom, using the force to turn on the light. Ahsoka then found herself staring at the stern face of Obi-wan Kenobi. His arms were crossed, eyebrows furrowed in displeasure.

"Want to explain to me where you've been all night _Padawan_ Tano?" he asked.

"Stang," Ahsoka muttered. It was never a good thing when someone called her _padawan_. It was a reminder of her recklessness and status, meaning she had some explaining to do.

"Why are you here?" she finally asked trying to play it off.

"Ahsoka," Obi-wan said sternly, and Ahsoka rolled her eyes.

"I was just having a little fun. Nothing that any other Padawan isn't doing," Ahsoka finally said with a playful sigh.

"I doubt it."

"Why are you so concerned anyway?" Ahsoka asked. "It's no big deal."

"It is a big deal," Obi-wan insisted. "Besides, Anakin wanted me to keep an eye on you."

"I'm touched," Ahsoka said teasingly. "I'll have to reward him when he gets back."

Obi-wan pinched the bridge of his nose at the twenty-year-old, obviously catching the innuendo.

"Ahsoka please," he said wearily. "We need to talk."

"If this is about some rumor that's been going around about my un-jedi-like behavior, you have nothing to worry about. I haven't gotten into any trouble… lately," she added.

"I'll get to that later," Obi-wan said to her. "All I'll say on the matter right now is that your reputation precedes you. Keep it in mind."

Ahsoka scowled as she remembered exactly how that reputation had been gained. It had all started as a simple mission that had turned into the worst disaster of her life and still gave her nightmares…

"That's not my fault."

"Maybe at first it wasn't," Obi-wan gave. "But you can't say you didn't play right into it eventually."

"Oh please," Ahsoka said as she sat down and kicked off her shoes.

"Well if the fact that you were out all night isn't playing into it, I don't know what is," Obi-wan said dryly and then added, "Even if that wasn't the case, the… inappropriate way you tease people isn't."

Ahsoka shrugged. "I tease Anakin all the time, and he doesn't mind."

"That's the point," Obi-wan said. "And that's only because he'd learned to live with it accept it in light of what happened on-."

"Fine," Ahsoka said cutting him off and then sighed, "Fine."

It was true her reputation as a… 'vixen Jedi' preceded her. But what the media and the general public thought about her life outside the Jedi walls wasn't accurate, not completely anyway. What did she care? There was nothing wrong with a little harmless flirting and teasing here and there.

"Are you done now?" she asked.

Ahsoka expected him to say yes and leave. But Obi-wan sighed and that was when Ahsoka realized that what she had mistaken for exasperation at her was something more complex. It was frustration and impatience with her definitely, but it was magnified by something that Ahsoka could only describe as overwhelming sadness, almost despair. Greif even. Her head shot up at that point. Stoic, passive, and undisturbed Obi-wan was grieving about something, and it was seeping through his mental shields.

"What?" she asked.

"I'm surprised you don't already know. I though you would have felt it. Maybe you would have if you hadn't been out all night," Obi-wan sniped.

Ahsoka pushed away the instinct to snipe right back at him, but she pushed the feeling away, his bitter tone not escaping her.

"What?" she asked, seriously this time.

Obi-wan took a deep breath and briefly looked away from her before looking back at her. Ahsoka's heart felt heavy all of a sudden as it began to race in her chest. Obi-wan couldn't look her in the eye. That meant this was bad. More than bad, if there was a word for it.

"Ahsoka. Anakin's dead."

Ahsoka stared him for a moment, not thinking she heard right. But when she realized she had, she felt as though the galaxy was about to turn in on itself and collapse on top of her as her knees began to grow weak. Impossible…

"No," she said finally in an emotionless tone, even as she realized that earlier Obi-wan kept referring to Anakin in the past tense. "You're lying."

"It happened late last night," Obi-wan began. "He was ambushed. They shot his ship down as soon as it came into the atmosphere and then destroyed the ship before he could get out."

Ahsoka glared at him and then made up her mind. "You're wrong. You're lying. I would have felt it. I would have felt him die. He's not dead. Have they looked for him? Did they find a body?"

"There were no remains. Ahsoka he didn't survive."

Ahsoka stood up and glared at him. "Get out."

"Ahsoka."

Ahsoka felt a surge of anger in her as she hissed and took a step closer.

"Get out. You're a liar," she yelled. "He's not dead!"

"It's no use denying it Ahsoka. Search your feelings. Search the force. You know it's true," Obi-wan said calmly.

"I said," Ahsoka began in a whisper before she blew, "GET OUT!"

Obi-wan wasn't intimidated by her outburst. But appearing to figure that she'd come to terms with it later, he left her to herself as she requested.

Ahsoka sank back on the couch as Obi-wan's words rang in her head.

_Anakin's dead._

Ahsoka wasn't willing to believe it. It was impossible. She should have sensed it. She would have sensed it… wouldn't she? She hadn't been that out of touch the night before that she had missed that. There was no way. But then again, if she stayed in the temple where she should have been, would she have already known?

_Try to stay out of trouble until I get back, Snips._

_I'll try,_ she had replied cheekily though they both knew she wouldn't.

If she had just done what her master told her in the first place and meant it when she agreed. Maybe she wouldn't be in denial right now. Maybe she wouldn't have been so out of touch and carefree that she had ignored the Force telling her. She swallowed, forcing in a deep breath and then exhaling slowly in effort to calm her racing heart, like it was trying to struggle out of the tight aching grip of dread Ahsoka felt in her chest. Then she decided to take Obi-wan's advice and search the Force, search her feelings for the answer. She wouldn't accept it until the Force confirmed it for her, until she was sure she couldn't feel the bright spot in the force that was her master's presence.

She fell into a meditative pose and cleared her mind, searching the Force for her master's presence amongst the living. To her horror, she couldn't grasp it, not like she was usually able to. It was hard to miss the vibrant presence in the Force and for it not to be right there in her grasp like it usually was only began to confirm what Obi-wan told her. But Ahsoka kept searching. She didn't want to accept it. Every fiber of her being was telling her not to accept it, and it wasn't her emotions clouding her judgment. She _had_ to keep looking.

Ahsoka wasn't sure exactly how long she stayed in her meditation, but she had been about to give up when she felt a tug on the bond that she hadn't been able to find, the bond that she had tried to use to reach out to her master but had found no answer. There tug on the bond was gentle and only for a moment, Ahsoka felt it, her master's presence sparked in the Force and then was just as quickly swallowed up by darkness. Swallowed, but no gone. Obscured, but not extinguished.

She came out of her meditation with a gasp, her heart thudding in her chest with hope now instead of anxious dread. Without wasting any time trying to make herself presentable or change out of the outfit the council would definitely disapprove of. She snatched her cloak up and made her way out her room, running to the council.

* * *

**Chapter Ending Notes:**

I missed my readers so much these last few years. And if you missed me as much I have missed you these last three years, leave a review. And if you're a new reader to my Star Wars fanfiction, leave a review so we can get acquainted. This is going to be one rollercoaster of a story and I can't wait to experience it with you all.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

"_You okay?"_

"_What do you think?"_

_Her master, usually not at all phased by anyone's outburst of anger or at the very least usually amused by it, cringed._

"_Okay. Maybe that was a dumb way to put it," Anakin said sitting next to her on one of the rock formations in the Room of a Thousand Fountains. "Let me rephrase it. What's wrong? Besides… well you know."_

_Ahsoka smiled briefly, something she rarely did nowadays. There was nothing for her to smile about anymore, except when she was around her master. He understood somehow, made things better._

"_It's nothing."_

"_Don't do this," Anakin said to her. "Don't shut everyone out. I know you find it hard to talk about, don't want to admit that it happened, but you've got to come to terms with it eventually, even if it's too painful and you're too ashamed…"_

"_That's not what's bothering me," Ahsoka said curtly not wanting her master to go any further. She wasn't ready to talk about that again. She was still dealing with nightmares every night. That was enough._

"_Then what?"_

_She waited a while before responding, still debating whether to answer her master's question or not before finally deciding._

"_Is the council going to expel me?"_

_Anakin reared back in surprise. "Who told you that? What gave you that idea?"_

"_Don't act like you haven't heard it. Everyone knows about what happened. That Anakin Skywalker's padawan might be emotionally and mentally scarred for life, that the council wonders if she's stable enough to be a Jedi still." Ahsoka spat._

"_Ignore them. If anything you've proven your loyalty. To go through what you did, to not betray us, and now to live with the consequences—it would be wrong of them and even they can't deny it," Anakin said in a bitter tone._

"_So they did discuss letting me go," Ahsoka stated bluntly._

_Anakin paused and then admitted, "They think it might be for the best. I disagree."_

_Disagree was an understatement according to what Ahsoka had heard. She heard that her master blew up at the council, all thoughts of controlling his anger gone when they suggested that they should release Ahsoka from her services as a Jedi. Even if she couldn't go back on mission, the Jedi were her family, this was her home, and she had nowhere else to go._

"_What if they do?" Ahsoka asked._

_Anakin turned to her and put his arm around her shoulder, ignoring her flinch at his touch._

"_They aren't going to, Snips. I won't let them and if they do, you don't have to worry. I'll personally make sure you're taken care of."_

_Ahsoka didn't know what that meant, but she trusted her master to see to his word._

Ahsoka blinked out her stupor as footsteps came to where she was. She raised the face marking over her eye left in curiosity upon hearing the ruckus that accompanied the footsteps. It seemed like someone else wanted to talk to the council too, and they were making quite the fuss about it.

"Senator Amidala. You can't—"

"I'll do what I very well please, and if you all won't request an audience with the council on my behalf, I'll do it myself."

Ahsoka saw a woman turn the corner. She had seen her before, but never really been acquainted with her other than shaking her hand at the senate when her master went there and briefly introduced them. After that, Ahsoka never crossed paths with the woman who was openly a very close friend of her master. It was almost as though he were keeping the two apart. Not that Ahsoka cared. She didn't particularly like politicians.

However, the Naboo senator looked oddly disheveled, at least compared to how she normally saw the woman dressed. She looked neat and presentable, but the robe she had on wasn't as elaborate as usual and didn't look like it needed two or three people to get on and off. Also, her brown curly hair wasn't piled atop her head in an elaborate braided hairstyle or headdress and instead fell down her back. She looked like someone who wanted to look neat but didn't have the time to prepare to the extent they usually did, like she had suddenly rushed out the door.

The senator went straight up to the Padawan guarding the door to the room and demanded, "I need to see the council."

"I'm sorry milady. But I can't allow you to-."

"I don't care what I'm allowed!" she said, voice raising. "This is an emergency."

Ahsoka decided to speak up at that point.

"Get in line, Senator," she said crossing her arms. "I was here first."

Senator Amidala regarded her only briefly before deciding that arguing with Ahsoka wasn't worth her time and continuing to demand entry into the council chamber.

Ahsoka smirked. While the Padawan was distracted, she'd just go in herself. She swiped her hand over the door, and it slid open for her. Not caring that she was about to interrupt the council in whatever they were talking about, she casually made her way into the room as though she were doing nothing wrong.

The senator and the Padawan noticed.

"You can't go in there," the Padawan said starting to go after her but the senator rushed past him and into the room behind Ahsoka; in fact, she nearly knocked the torgruta over.

"Wait a minute," Ahsoka said. Who did this high and mighty senator think she was?

"Sorry," the senator said, though it was clear she wasn't sorry about anything as whatever she wanted to address to the council was more pressing.

"Padawan Tano," Mace said sternly. "What is the meaning of this?"

"I don't know what she's here for," Ahsoka said while giving Senator Amidala a sideways glance. Then she turned her attention back to the council and added, "But whatever it is can be dealt with later. I can't wait."

"Neither can I," the senator said glaring at Ahsoka.

"Escort them both out," Mace ordered to the flustered padawan.

"No wait," both Ahsoka and Padmé exclaimed. "It's Master Skywalker. He's not dead!"

At that point Ahsoka turned to look at the senator and found that the older human woman was looking at her as well. A silent agreement passed between the two as they realized they had the same objective: convince the council that Anakin Skywalker wasn't dead.

Mace appeared to become a little more sympathetic as he looked at Master Yoda, who didn't say anything. Finally it was Obi-wan who spoke.

"I know this is hard on you Ahsoka," he said and then looked at the senator, "and I know you and Anakin were close Senator Amidala. But there is no use denying it."

"I'm not denying anything. He's not dead. He needs to be rescued. I felt him. He reached out to me," Ahsoka insisted. "We can't just leave him. If anything we have to send a team to investigate."

"Ahsoka," Obi-wan said patiently.

"No. She's right," the senator said from next to Ahsoka. "We have to send someone to investigate what happened. I think he's in trouble."

"And how would you know?" one of the other council members asked.

Ahsoka wondered the same thing, but the senator didn't miss a beat.

"It's not a well known fact, but although the midichlorian test on me came back that my count wasn't enough to be a Jedi, some would say that I am mildly force sensitive," she said. "Master Skywalker and I have been friends for over a decade. I would know if he were dead."

Everyone was silent before another master finally said, "We don't have the resources to spare on a mission that will only come to the same conclusion we've already come to. Even if we did, we have no reason to believe otherwise."

"But—"

Mace cut both Ahsoka and Senator Amidala off.

"Even Master Kenobi agrees, and he was Master Skywalker's former master."

Ahsoka, along with Senator Amidala, turned to look at Obi-wan.

"So you'll give up," the senator snapped, anger seeping through her tone. "Just like that!"

Ahsoka didn't give Obi-wan a chance to answer as she said, "Stop thinking with your head and the code. Search the force."

"You don't think I have?" Obi-wan asked quietly but still remained passive. "He's gone Ahsoka."

"Well you didn't look hard enough," Ahsoka said raising her voice. "You're supposed to be his friend. He's like a brother to you."

"Ahsoka," Obi-wan said with a sigh. "Please…"

Mace nodded at the Padawan, who grabbed onto Ahsoka's arm. Ahsoka hissed at him, allowing the natural predator torgruta instinct she normally suppressed and controlled to show.

"You don't have to escort me," she said as she snatched her arm out his grip. "I'm going. Not like you were any help anyway."

She didn't particularly care that she was going to be reprimanded for her outburst later, for losing control of her emotions and letting her temper get the best of her, but this wasn't right. The council didn't get it. When the entire order had been ready to let Ahsoka go because they didn't think she would ever recover enough from her ordeal to resume her duties, her master stuck by her and helped her in every way he could. She was not going to abandon him… She couldn't. Ahsoka began to shake as she took slow steady breaths with the effort to hold back her tears.

"Are you alright?"

Ahsoka turned to look at Senator Amidala who, although appearing stressed and seeming to want to cry herself, looked at her with concern etched in her features.

Ahsoka pulled herself together and dismissively said, "Yeah. Sure."

"You're lying."

Ahsoka was surprised by her straight forwardness.

"You're Anankin's Padawan right?" she asked.

Ahsoka huffed and said bitterly, "Used to be thanks to them."

Senator Amidala didn't respond, and Ahsoka started to walk away until she said, "Not used to. Not yet. There's someone else I think I can talk to. He's a close friend of mine."

Ahsoka wanted to snap at her that she didn't need her help, but at this point she was desperate. She was positive her master was alive, but she didn't know for how much longer.

"Mind if I come with you?" she asked.

"Are you supposed to be leaving the temple?"

Ahsoka shrugged. She never stayed at the temple when she was told to, even when her master told her to. The thought of all the trouble she gave him even when he was trying to help saddened her for a moment, but she quickly pushed it away. Being sad and sulky wasn't going to help.

"Are we taking my speeder or yours?"

* * *

Padmé was silent as they went to her speeder to head to the senate. She had never been acquainted with Anakin's Padawan before although she had seen her and been introduced. Anakin didn't talk about Ahsoka to her much. He mentioned her in passing, and that was it. Padmé knew she shouldn't have thought much of it as Anakin was fiercely loyal to her and had proven that over the years, but she couldn't help but think he was keeping the two women from getting to know each other. It had only been a fleeting thought, but sometimes she wondered especially three and a half years ago. About four months after he had gone to fight in the outer rim sieges not knowing when he would return, he came back. The weird part had been he hadn't immediately come to her, and when he finally did, he seemed distant, like his attention was elsewhere. He wouldn't tell her what it was and neither would Obi-wan when she asked him about it later.

Instead, she told him she was pregnant and whatever it was that had been bothering him, he forgot about it, at least around her as the only thing he could talk about around her was the baby or what they had thought was the _baby_, but turned out to be the _babies_. He stayed on Coruscant a long time, in fact his leave was indefinite, and Padmé never found out why. He just said that he was needed more on Coruscant. Then the war came to Coruscant when she was six months pregnant and he had gone to rescue the Chancellor. Two months after that, it was revealed that Palpatine was the Sith Lord, which uncovered an elaborate plot to take over the galaxy and kill the Jedi. With faith in the Republic shattered as they couldn't even discern their own enemy right in front of them, Padmé and Anakin decided to keep their marriage secret and remain true to their duty.

That was around the time his Padawan resurfaced, taking the galaxy by a storm with behaviors and tendencies that so contrasted the ideal image of the passive and calm Jedi. The holo-media had a field day with the girl's now flirtatious inclinations and rumors flew that the Master/Padawan duo was actually a pair of secret lovers. Anakin never said anything about it. In fact, he frowned and dismissed it anytime he heard it. But Padmé couldn't help wondering, especially being that she had just given birth and was feeling insecure about herself and body, not to mention he never brought Ahsoka around.

Finally, halfway to the senate, Padmé gave into her curiosity.

"How long have you known Master Skywalker?"

Ahsoka only turned her head slightly.

"Everyone knows my master. He's kinda famous," she said cryptically.

Padmé had a feeling she wasn't going to particularly like Ahsoka by the end of this, but she pressed on.

"I mean you personally. How long have you been his Padawan?"

"Six years give or take a few months," Ahsoka answered. "Why?"

"Nothing," Padmé replied. "I'm just curious. He's told me about you before."

Ahsoka glanced at her, but didn't reply. Padmé sighed. It seemed like Ahsoka was immune to the politician's trap she was trying to lay, so she tried another tactic.

"Anakin and I have been friends for years, since we were children," Padmé said to her.

"Yeah," Ahsoka answered.

It wasn't much, but it was a start…

"I have to say, he's the most loyal friend I've ever had. He's always stuck by me, even when we didn't agree, even through the war when he was always on a mission or rescuing someone, no matter what," Padmé said beginning to reminisce.

"Yeah," Ahsoka said and out the corner of her eye, Padmé noticed the girl smile a little as she leaned on her hand. "He's like that…"

This was the most reaction Padmé had gotten out of the girl and so she kept going.

"I hope he's alright. I would hate to lose him if there's a chance he's still alive," Padmé whispered.

Something between a scoff and a laugh came from the young woman, and Padmé glanced at her briefly before turning her complete attention back to the sky lanes.

"You know, for someone who's just friends with him, you seem really concerned about him," she said smiling.

"Of course I would be," Padmé said casually. "He's-"

"I know. Your friend. He's friends with a lot of people, but you didn't see them demanding an audience with the council and ready to fight a Padawan," Ahsoka pointed out as she sat up with her arms crossed. "In fact, you seemed to be pretty interested in what my relationship with him was. I wonder what your husband would say senator—an affair with a Jedi."

Padmé pressed her lips together to keep from letting her anger getting the best of her. How dare this child insinuate that, even if she wasn't married to Anakin and with someone else, she didn't have enough honor to be faithful to her husband?

"I don't know what you're talking about," she said. "I'm merely—"

"Curious?" Ahsoka asked. "Sure. So are you really just friends?"

"I don't think that's any of your business and even if it were true, at least it's not splattered all over magazines. Know anything about discretion?" Padmé asked bluntly hoping that Ahsoka would laugh in disbelief at the thought of someone believing what the presses spread to the public.

Instead Ahsoka only shrugged.

"What's the fun of having an affair if no one suspects you're having it?"

This took Padmé off guard. "What?"

"Oh yeah. It's fun to keep it secret. But it's even more fun when everyone suspects it, but it's still secret because there's no solid evidence. Casual flirting or something more?" Ahsoka said pretending to contemplate it as Padmé parked.

"It's something to think about isn't it?" Ahsoka asked as she got out the speeder.

Padmé took a moment to collect herself before doing the same. It was very likely that Ahsoka was just playing with her, stringing her along for her own satisfaction or even just joking around. But the girl had no clue how much it affected her. She had no clue that Anakin Skywalker was her husband, and the girl's playing, whether true or not, was having an effect on her. But Padmé pushed it aside. Ahsoka was a Jedi, and such a relationship would be forbidden amongst them. Then again, Anakin hadn't given it a second thought when they decided to get married.

Padmé shook the thoughts away. Anakin being missing was getting to her, that and the fact that she hadn't seen him in three months. She had to focus on persuading Bail to send resources to find him, but just like with the Jedi no luck.

"Bail please," Padmé said ignoring Ahsoka's raised face marking as she walked by her to where Bail was. "He's alive. I know it, and he needs our help. It's because of him that the Republic still exists, and we'd turn our back on him?"

Bail sighed. "Padmé, you're letting your personal attachment to him get in the way."

Padmé couldn't deny that he was right. He didn't know the extent of her relationship with Anakin, but he did know that she didn't have a husband on Naboo. He probably suspected that she had an affair with Anakin and he fathered the twins, but nothing more.

"Padmé, we've done all we can. I've done all I can without having to get the approval of the senate and they won't approve it with all the other crises going on. We don't have the-."

"This is a crisis!" Padmé exclaimed losing some of her famed senatorial composure.

"You don't even have any proof he's alive Padmé. I can't ask the senate to do this based on a feeling from you or his padawan when even the council doesn't believe it," Bail said and then put a hand on Padmé's shoulder sympathetically. "I'm sorry Padmé. That's all I can do."

"Bail-."

"Forget it," Ahsoka suddenly said from behind.

"What?" Padmé asked, turning to look at the young girl.

She didn't answer, only left the office. Padmé debated momentarily on whether she should go after her or stay and try to convince Bail before deciding to follow the younger woman. When Padmé didn't find her in the hallway, she assumed Ahsoka had gone back to the Jedi temple, but then Padmé found her pacing next to her speeder.

"Could you please hurry up?" she asked impatiently.

"What's the rush?" Padmé asked genuinely concerned for the girl.

"I need to go before Obi-wan comes looking for me. I don't need him messing up my plan," Ahsoka said as they slid into the speeder.

"Your plan?" Padmé asked, having a feeling she shouldn't start driving yet. "What plan?"

Ahsoka glared at her first, indicating that Padmé better start the speeder and get a move on. She sighed and cranked up the speeder before pulling out the space and heading for the sky lanes.

"Now back to this plan?" Padmé said trying to remain patient with her husband's Padawan. How did he deal with her on a daily basis?

"I'm going to look for my master."

* * *

**Chapter Ending Notes:**

So I got so much positive response to this story and I have the answers to some, if not all of your questions.

1) I sort of have an update schedule. I've decided to update a new chapter after I finishing writing another chapter. In essence, I'm writing chapter five of this story right now and once I finish it, I'll upload chapter three. I write pretty fast once I get into a story so we're probably talking about at least one chapter a week unless I get something like writer's block.

2) A few people asked me about _Ruminations_ and as we speak, I'm also working on that story alongside this one and will probably put up the sequel just as soon as I finish uploading this story. So we're looking at a post date of around July? Maybe, the end of June even. We'll see how that goes. Depends on what I'm doing with my original story too.

3) For updates on how far along I'm coming with my star wars stories, or to even just geek out over stuff like the new star wars trailer that came out yesterday (OMG! I laughed! I cried! I couldn't breathe in excitement!) or just see what random stuff I might be posting from day to day or nag me and make me feel guilty about not writing when I should be writing, you can check out my twitter. It's my writing one, and I go by Holly Dae (at Holly_Dae_) on it. You can either search for it or find the link in my ff dot net profile.

Anyway, I realized it's been four years, FOUR YEARS, since I posted a Star Wars fanfic, not three. So if you missed me in all that time and enjoy my new story, drop a line or two or as many as you want in the review box right below this story. And if you're new to my stories, do the same so we can get acquainted. Hope you enjoyed this chapter.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

Padmé looked at Ahsoka with her lips pursed. She hadn't been to impressed by the girl in the last hour or so she had been with her, but that didn't mean she was just going to let her run off on a wild goose chase to find Anakin by herself.

"Think rationally about this—"

"I am," Ahsoka said determined. "He's alive and I don't care what anyone else has to say about it. I'm going to look for him."

"By yourself?"

"You forget. I'm a Jedi. I don't need you to worry about me," Ahsoka snapped at her. "I'm going to find him, and I'll fight the Jedi Order and the Republic if I have to."

Padmé remembered one of the few times Anakin mentioned Ahsoka, he had been talking to Leia who was about six months old. She thought he was exaggerating, but now, she wasn't so sure.

"_You're growing up so fast princess," Anakin said to Leia as he stood her up on his lap. She wouldn't look at him though. Instead, she kept looking around, unable to keep her gaze steady because of all the things that were in the room._

"_Come on. Look at daddy, princess," Anakin urged, but Leia only glanced at him before looking past Anakin's shoulder._

_Anakin sighed. "Fine. Be stubborn then. Let's just hope that when you get older you're not as stubborn as Ahsoka is now. Between you, your brother, and her, I'm going to get gray hairs early."_

"_Stubborn," Padmé said coming in the room. "You're calling someone stubborn?"_

"_Believe me," Anakin said dryly. "I'm not nearly as bad…"_

_Padmé only laughed. "I bet Obi-wan would beg to differ. Besides, she's a teenager. It's common."_

_Anakin huffed. "You don't know the half of it…"_

_Padmé knew he was right. She didn't know the half of it, but only because he was very tightlipped about whatever it was. Obi-wan wouldn't even tell her what was going on which did nothing to alleviate her concerns._

"_Padmé," Anakin finally said._

"_Yes," she said noting the seriousness of his tone. What had suddenly prompted that change?_

"_I… If I brought someone to you to take in for a while, would you do it?" he asked her._

"_Took someone in?" Padmé asked. "A child?"_

"_Older… Like a troubled teenager."_

"_It depends on what your definition of trouble is. I won't have the twins around—."_

"_Not like that," Anakin assured. "She's not troubled like that…"_

_Padmé sat up a little straighter at that point. "Anakin who?"_

_He shook his head. "No one Padmé. It might not even come to that, but just in case, would you?"_

_Padmé knew better. Something was happening to someone, and Anakin was worried. She wasn't sure, but Padmé had a feeling it had something to do with his Padawan. She wondered what exactly he meant by troubled, but she was positive he would never bring someone around that would put their children in danger. She nodded._

"_Of course," she said._

_Anakin let out a relieved sigh. "Good."_

That conversation had relieved her. Padmé doubted Anakin would be so willing to bring his padawan around her if he was hiding something else about her. But whatever he had been preparing for had never come to fruition. Obviously Ahsoka was alright now. But Padmé wondered what had happened that Anakin would come ask her to take care of her. This wasn't the same situation, but Ahsoka was about to put herself in danger and surely Anakin would want Padmé to stop her.

"Listen. I know he was your master, but you can't just—"

"No you don't know!" Ahsoka snapped at her and to Padmé's surprise she saw tears in the girl's eyes. Then she added in a whisper, "You don't know. I have to find him. He didn't leave me for dead. I'm not going to do it to him."

"Leave you for dead?" Padmé asked slowly. "Ahsoka?"

"Listen senator," Ahsoka said to her as she finally seemed to take reign over her emotions again. "I'm going after him, and I don't care what you or anyone else has to say about it. To sith hell with 'em all."

Padmé knew that kind of determination. It was the kind that would never be broken, gave one the will to fight even when it seemed like the odds were against them. She knew it because she possessed the same kind of resolve. So she clenched her jaw and made up her mind.

"Well I won't try to stop you," Padmé replied. "But I'm going with you."

Padmé turned all her focus back into driving at that point, ignoring the shocked expression on Ahsoka's face.

"Wait a minute," Ahsoka finally said. "You can't. What about the senate?"

"The senate will be here when I get back. It can wait. Anakin cannot. Just like he hasn't abandoned you, he hasn't abandoned me either," Padmé said to her.

"That's different. You're a senator, and he's a Jedi Master. I know you're friends and everything but-."

"No," Padmé said softly. "You don't know."

Padmé was pleased to see that Ahsoka's words coming right back to her had the desired effect. She wasn't arguing anymore, but it was obvious she still didn't approve of Padmé coming with her.

"I understand you don't want me to go with you, and you're right. I don't know what kind of bond you have with your master. But just because you're a Jedi doesn't mean you know my bond with Anakin either. So regardless of what you think, you can't stop me from going with you no matter what my reasons," Padmé declared.

Ahsoka crossed her arms and scowled before saying, "Fine. I won't pry into your relationship with him and you won't pry into mine. We look for Anakin."

"I'm glad you agree. We'll need to stop by my apartment first.

"Your apartment?" Ahsoka said impatiently. "We have to go now!"

Padmé rolled her eyes at the girl's impatience. She had to have gotten it from Anakin after all these years.

"You didn't very well think we could just rush off without being prepared?" Padmé asked her not adding that she had to tell the twins where she was going. She couldn't just up and leave them like that.

"A lightsaber is that only possession a Jedi has. I'm all set to go."

"But you're usually provided with what you need for a mission right? Since the Jedi and the senate aren't providing it, I will," Padmé said knowing Ahsoka couldn't deny that logic and if she could, the girl didn't try.

"Fine. But hurry up or I'll leave without you."

* * *

"You can wait in here," Padmé said leading Ahsoka to the living room of her apartment. "If you get too antsy, you can go sit out on the veranda. The view is beautiful."

Ahsoka didn't say anything as Padmé left to get ready. Finding that she couldn't sit down, Ahsoka went out onto the veranda and found herself more able to wait patiently there. Padmé was right. It was a wonderful view. As the woman crossed her mind, Ahsoka wondered again what her relationship with her master was. Sure they were friends. They had known each other much longer than Ahsoka had known her master, but that kind of loyalty in a friend was rare. Ahsoka knew. She had only seen that kind of loyalty in her master before.

A vibrant presence filled her awareness, and Ahsoka immediately became alert. There was only one person she knew whose presence was that bright. But upon closer inspection with the force, she realized it wasn't as vibrant and the presence while very familiar was also very different. Then the presence was joined by another. They were very bright in the force, nearly as bright as her master's.

She looked toward the door and saw two children no more than three watching her curiously. A boy and a girl, she noted. The girl had brown hair like Padmé's and the boy had blonde hair a few shades lighter than her master. Perhaps it would darken as he got older.

"Hi," the girl said as the boy tried to walk away when Ahsoka noticed them.

The boy gave the girl a displeased look but the girl only grabbed his arm and pulled him back before pulling him down the stairs to where Ahsoka was sitting.

The girl was obviously Padmé's daughter, Ahsoka decided as they came closer, and since it was known that Senator Amidala had a set of twins, she guessed the boy was her son. But as they got closer, Ahsoka couldn't help but notice that they both in their own unique way reminded her of her master. In fact, she could imagine the boy growing up to look very similar to him. It made her wonder just how close Padmé and Anakin really were.

Ahsoka shook her head of the thought. Impossible. Her master wouldn't be _that_ reckless, especially after all the time he spent reprimanding her about her own sometimes promiscuous activities. Then again, impossible was neither a word in her master's vocabulary nor was it a word that could be used to describe him.

The boy suddenly asked, "Are you going to help mommy find-?"

The girl suddenly slapped her hand over her brother's mouth.

"Ow!" he exclaimed. "I'm telling mommy you hit me in the mouth."

"I didn't hit you in the mouth. I covered it to make you be quiet!"

"I was just going to ask if she was the Jedi mommy said was going to help her look for Master Skywalker!"

The girl blinked and then looked at her brother apologetically. "Sorry Luke…"

"It's okay Leia," he said and Leia brightened up as she kissed her brother on the cheek.

"Ack!" he exclaimed.

Ahsoka might have been annoyed any other time. She didn't particularly like children. But their innocence helped to relax her and take her mind away from more serious issues.

"You all know Master Skywalker?' she asked.

The twins looked at each other as though wondering if it was safe to tell her before nodding in mutual agreement and saying, "Yes!"

But Leia continued as she sat next to Ahsoka.

"He's really nice. He comes to visit every time he's on the planet."

"And he tells us stories!" Luke said seeing that his sister was comfortable with Ahsoka. He sat on the other side of her. "I wish I could be a Jedi!"

Ahsoka certainly thought he had the potential to be. The twin children were so bright in the force. How could the Jedi have missed this kind of potential? Or did they know about it and Padmé had refused?

"I don't want to be a Jedi," Leia said. "Mommy's job is more fun."

"Mommy's job is boring! All she does is talk. I want to use a lightsaber!" Luke jumped off the bench and then began to pretend to use a lightsaber.

Ahsoka laughed at him, the first time she had laughed since her master had gone on his mission. Leia sighed.

"Luke you can't be a Jedi. Mommy won't let you!"

"Ah-un! Daddy said when I'm old enough!"

Both of them suddenly gasped, and Luke put his hands over his mouth. Ahsoka looked at them confused.

"What?" she asked.

"Nothing," Leia said calmly as she glared at Luke. Ahsoka laughed again.

Then it appeared something occurred to the twins at the same time as they looked at her curiously.

"What's your name?" they both asked.

"Ahsoka."

Both of them looked at her as recognition dawned on them.

"You're Master Skywalker's pa… pada… student," Leia finally decided. "He talks about you a lot."

"Does he?" Ahsoka asked with a gentle smile.

"Yeah," Leia said dreamily as though she had just met her idol. "He says you're strong and brave and fearless and can take care of yourself."

Ahsoka's smile disappeared at that point. Contrary to her master's belief, she didn't feel like any of those things anymore, not since that botched mission a few years ago. She might have been that strong, brave, and fearless before, but she certainly wasn't anymore. The only reason she could keep up the pretense was because of her master. Without him, she was just a scared little girl. Crying like a little girl would for her father when he wasn't there to comfort her, going to find him because she needed him.

Leia's next words snapped her back into reality.

"If I had to be a Jedi," she said, "I'd be like you."

Ahsoka shook her head. "You don't want to be like me."

Leia frowned. "Why not?"

"There you two are," Padmé said to them wearing a simple pale blue casual jumpsuit, her hair wrapped in a tight bun behind her head. The way her eyebrows were slightly furrowed and the way the corner of her lips twitched downward into a frown betrayed her concern, but Ahsoka wasn't sure what it was.

"I hope you two weren't bothering her."

"We were talking about Master Skywalker," Leia said with an innocent smile.

Ahsoka observed as the twins looked their mother directly in her face for a moment as though trying to convey a secret message. Padmé received it and her shoulders fell down in what Ahsoka sensed to be relief as she relaxed. Ahsoka raised the face marking over her eye, but didn't comment as the twins ran and hugged their mother around the legs.

"We'll miss you mommy," Leia said.

"I'll be right back after I find Anakin okay? Remember what I said? Sabé's going to take you to Naboo for a while. I want you to be good for Auntie," Padmé added.

She didn't show it, but Ahsoka sensed the woman's dismay at having to leave her children behind.

"I will," Leia said to her.

But Luke wasn't as cooperative as Leia.

"I want to go," he said.

Ahsoka smiled a little. He certainly had spirit. She'd give him that.

"If you were old I certainly wouldn't object," Padmé said as she knelt down eye level to him, "even if I wanted to."

Luke pouted but grudgingly agreed with Leia. Padmé smiled and then kissed both of them on the cheek before ushering them inside to her handmaidens and Threepio. Not much affected Ahsoka anymore, but to see Padmé usher her children away and then approach her without a second look touched her heart. But she buried the feelings away. She had to focus on the task at hand.

"Alright. I'm ready," Padmé said holding a medium sized bag that she had packed some supplies in.

Ahsoka nodded as they went back to Padmé's speeder, but found herself curious about the woman's twins.

Before she could stop herself she said, "Luke and Leia are force sensitive."

Padmé froze in her tracks.

"What?" she asked.

"I'm guessing you're aware of it then. Any Jedi would be able to sense it," Ahsoka pointed out. "Your son is very powerful."

"I know," Padmé replied softly. "Anakin says they're both very strong in the force. He says Leia's able to control her power more than Luke."

"It's a wonder the Jedi haven't noticed it yet."

"They did," Padmé admitted quietly. "But we don't want them trained. I can't bear the thought of not seeing them again, not knowing them."

"We?" Ahsoka asked.

"My husband and I… But being a Jedi is all Luke talks about. Anakin promised that if it comes down to it, he'll personally train Luke and make sure I'm involved whether the council likes it or not," Padmé said with a smile.

Ahsoka hummed, unsurprised by Padmé's words. It certainly seemed like something her master would do for a friend. He would go to extreme measures to make the people he cared about happy and secure.

Ahsoka observed as Padmé nodded and looked to be on the verge of tears before she finally shook her head and set her jaw in determination.

"I can worry about my children later though. Our mission is to save Anakin. My ship is parked not very far from here. I had Captain Typhoo prepare it for me. Let's go."

* * *

**Chapter Ending Notes:**

1) So sorry it's been two months! I really didn't mean it, but the original novel I was working on has been a literal bitch to me! It's probably the most challenging project that I've worked on in a while and it sucked up all my time. But I'm still working on this story. I just haven't had time to update it. I have no clue when I'll be able to update next time with everything going on, things I won't waste my time discussing, but rest assured I am working on this story.

2) Um as for why Ahsoka… I guess you could say she's a little OOC, well just keep reading. This chapter as well as the next chapter has a few helpful hints, but like with all stories, everything will eventually be revealed. I've got it all planned out.

3) Thanks for all the reviews and support.

Anyway, I realized it's been four years, FOUR YEARS, since I posted a Star Wars fanfic, not three. So if you missed me in all that time and enjoy my new story, drop a line or two or as many as you want in the review box right below this story. And if you're new to my stories, do the same so we can get acquainted. Hope you enjoyed this chapter.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

It took Padmé—and Ahsoka was only calling her that now at the woman's insistence—little convincing to her head of security that she was fine and Ahsoka would be her Jedi escort. After they set off, Ahsoka and Padmé mutually agreed that the best place to start looking for Anakin was the planet that the so-called accident had taken place: Sartinaynian, a planet in the Braxton System and located in the outer rim.

"We may have to fight our way down there," Ahsoka pointed out. "If the official story is anything to go by, the planet hasn't been friendly to the Republic since the ending of the Clone Wars."

When Padmé didn't respond, Ahsoka looked up from the ship's control where she was mapping a hyperspace route. The woman was staring at her, brown eyebrows furrowed, looking as though she wanted to aske something or worse, was trying to figure Ahsoka out as though staring at her would give the woman the ability to read her mind.

Unnerved by the thought and feeling like her personal space was being invaded despite the fact that Padmé was more than an arm's length away from her, Ahsoka snapped, "What?"

Padmé shook her head, blinking away the tightness in her face.

"Nothing," she said softly. "Nothing. Anyway, Anakin didn't tell me what his mission was about. He refused to in fact."

"It's Jedi business. Why are you surprised?" Ahsoka asked bluntly.

Padmé's eyebrows furrowed again as she glared at Ahsoka, but Ahsoka ignored it. Who did this woman think she was? Just because she was a close friend of his didn't mean her master had to tell her everything. It wasn't like they were married or something.

"I know it's Jedi business. And I know he didn't have to tell me the specifics. But seeing as we're going to look for him and whatever happened on this mission has people assuming him dead, I presumed you'd want to share with me the details so I know what I'm getting into," Padmé said firmly.

Ahsoka pursed her lips together, leveling Padmé with a stare that mirrored her own. Ahsoka decided to grudgingly oblige to the woman's admittedly sound reason as she finished mapping their hyperspace coordinates and sent them into hyperspace.

"Sidious had more allies than the Jedi originally thought and the council gave my master the specific the task of eliminating any more of his allies. He's not the only Jedi with that assignment, but since he defeated Sidious my master feels like it's his personal responsibility to seek them out. When the council caught whispers of a mysterious dark force user in the outer rim, they sent Anakin to investigate the planet where the whispers were said to have started," Ahsoka explained.

"Allies?" Padmé asked.

Upon hearing Padmé's question, Ahsoka felt memories and emotions that she had long suppressed and tried to block from her conscious begin to stir. She inhaled and exhaled slowly and then, while keeping a firm lock on her emotions, said, "His dark adepts. He was planning to take over much longer than the council originally thought and there's no telling how many of them are spread across the galaxy."

"How dark?"

"You don't want to know," Ahsoka gave hoping Padmé would drop the subject.

"Then why did they send Anakin alone. Why not send someone with them?"

"They usually do," Ahsoka said in a hollow tone. "But it was just a rumor of a dark adept, not anything concrete. So the council figured Anakin could handle it and simply investigate the matter as there was likely nothing to come from it."

"Then why were you still on Coruscant?"

Ahsoka blinked. "What?"

"You're his Padawan. Shouldn't you have gone with him?"

The control Ahsoka had over her emotions began to slip and overcome her all at once, and it took some effort to not lash out at the woman. Thankfully Padmé seemed to be blissfully oblivious to Ahsoka's internal conflict for once. She was too intuitive for Ahsoka's liking. She could have been a Jedi, Ahsoka mused. To prevent taking out her anger on the woman, she only stiffly nodded.

There was a pause before Padmé asked, "Then why didn't you?"

Ahsoka tried to be nonchalant, but it was becoming increasingly difficult to do so especially since it appeared Padmé had no intention of backing off the subject.

"They're really dangerous. Trust me. I know," Ahsoka said. "So I don't argue with my master when he says no to that kind of mission."

"You know?" Padmé asked and Ahsoka decided right then and there she hated the woman's inquisitive nature. As private and secretive as her master was, it was a wondered they stayed friends. "So that means you've encountered one of these adepts?"

Ahsoka stared for a long moment and then final snarled at Padmé, all attempts at not lashing out at her forgotten.

"If you must know, yes I have and I don't want to relive it," Ahsoka snapped as she stood up, leaving Padmé in the cockpit as she went to find a cabin to meditate in.

It was in vain though. She hadn't been able to properly meditate in three years and she was betting a flashback would surely surface without her master's soothing presence, without knowing for a certainty that he was alive. It wasn't as bad as it used to be though. At one time her master's presence wasn't enough.

"_I didn't mean to wake you."_

"_I'm more concerned that you're still awake," Anakin replied as swung his legs over the side of his bed._

"_I can't sleep. I rarely sleep anymore," Ahsoka admitted._

"_Nightmares," he said knowingly and she nodded in confirmation. "Then why are you in here."_

_It was a good question. Ahsoka should have stayed in her room, like a real Jedi should have. She shouldn't have given in to her fears and emotions. She was perfectly safe in her room, by herself, and no one was going to hurt her in there. But that was the point. She was by herself. So she grabbed her pillow and blanket and made herself as comfortable as she could on the floor of her master's room._

"_I am tired though. I just didn't want to be alone," she finally admitted, avoiding her master's gaze. Her master was the only one she would admit that to. For the sake of keeping her place as a Jedi, Ahsoka wore the pretense that she was fine._

_Anakin came to sit next to her on the floor, and she tentatively leaned on him. He didn't push her away, only put his arm around her. If any of the other Jedi saw them like this, they would say the physical comfort did nothing to solve problems and only fostered attachment. But her master understood what she needed._

"_You can't let this control you anymore."_

"_I know," Ahsoka whispered. "I don't want it to."_

"_I know the feeling," Anakin said leaning his head against the wall._

"_Will it ever go away?"_

"_It's all up to you. It might or it might stay with you and drive you."_

"_Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"_

_Anakin didn't reply, and Ahsoka took that as uncertainty. Her master had so many secrets, secrets that he didn't trust anyone to know. Secrets from the past and secrets of the present. But while others in turn wouldn't trust him with their own because of his secretiveness, his mistrust of people was the very reason Ahsoka trusted him with her own._

_They didn't say anything else and after a while Ahsoka began to fall asleep, but it seemed Anakin noticed this for he gently shook her awake and pushed her off him. She would have been lying if she said she wasn't at least a little disappointed._

_Anakin stood up and then to her surprise reached down to help her up._

"_What?"_

"_That floor's uncomfortable," Anakin said. "Come on. If you're going to sleep in here, we may as well share the bed."_

_Ahsoka froze. "No… I-"_

_But Anakin ignored her as he got back in his bed and left space for Ahsoka to get next to him. It went against all her Jedi teachings but Ahsoka was beyond caring; she was too tired to care. So she made herself comfortable next to her master. She knew no more nightmares that night._

Ahsoka blinked out her stupor and cursed that she had another flashback. At least it was of one of her good memories and not her torture. She wouldn't have been able to explain off to Padmé when she went into hysterics. The woman seemed to be too compassionate, too intuitive to simply let it go. Ahsoka sighed. She had a feeling by the time all this was over, she was seriously going to regret ever allowing Padmé to tag along with her.

* * *

Padmé stared in the direction Ahsoka had gone after she stormed out of the cockpit. Admittedly, she had probably pushed the girl too far into something that she was clearly uncomfortable with. The togruta suddenly couldn't look Padmé in her face, and after she put the hyperspace coordinates in, she leaned back in her seat and gripped the armrests tightly, her breath slowing dramatically as though she was trying to stay calm. Padmé pretended not to notice for two reasons. First was that she didn't think the girl would appreciate her observations. Second was that the longer she could pretend to be oblivious, the longer the girl might be patient with her prying. Either way, her reasoning failed because the girl still got angry at Padmé and rushed out the room.

Padmé leaned back in her seat and sighed. She probably shouldn't have used her politician's skills to pry more information out of the girl, but she couldn't help being curious. The girl was mysterious as it was, and in just a few short hours of knowing her Ahsoka had proven that there was a lot more to her than the scandalous way the media portrayed her.

An hour or so passed before Padmé decided to go into the back of the ship and check on the girl. She was just going to knock on the door of the cabin she had seen the girl isolate herself in when the door slid open on its own, leaving Padmé to crane her head up to look at the taller young woman face to face.

"What?"

Unlike right before she left, she didn't sound angry or annoyed but more so weary.

"I was just coming to check on you," Padmé said and then smiled. "You were quiet and you were angry earlier, so I wanted to make sure you were alright."

"I'm fine," Ahsoka replied curtly as she went back to sit on the bunk in the cabin.

"And I wanted to apologize," Padmé added. "For prying earlier. I should have backed off when I noticed you were getting agitated."

Ahsoka continued to stare at the wall, not acknowledging Padmé immediately, and after a few moments, Padmé began to assume she wasn't going to at all and almost turned to leave the room. Ahsoka speaking stopped her.

"I hope you're not standing there expecting an apology from me. Because I'm not sorry for lashing out at you," she said and without allowing Padmé to respond, she continued. "Let's set some ground rules here. I'm not interested in trying to become your friend on this mission. The only thing I care about is finding my master and the only reason I'm tolerating you is because outside of you, no one else believes that he's alive and is willing to help. So don't get your hopes up and stop trying to use that politician's brain of yours to try to find an angle to get through my tough exterior or whatever you think. Your energy is better spent elsewhere."

Padmé stood up straighter, rolled her shoulders back, and set her jaw as indignation built inside her. She took a few breaths to collect herself and formulate her response before saying, "You'll be happy to know that I wasn't trying to befriend, but I figured since we're going to be together for who knows how long we may as well learn a little about and get comfortable with each other. It's called manners and being polite if you didn't know."

"If you haven't figured it out yet, I have no interest in pretenses, Senator."

Padmé thought that was truly something from someone who obviously had something to hide, but realized that pointing that out wouldn't help their situation. Instead she controlled her frustration with the girl and decided to focus on their mission since that's what Ahsoka was so intent on doing.

"Then I suppose you'll be more interested in the second reason I came back here. Since it's going to be a while before we get to Sartinaynian, I thought we might go over the specifics the mission."

"There are no specifics. I already told you everything I know about my master's mission. If there was anything else, it's back in the archives of the Jedi Temple. There's nothing else to tell."

"I'm not talking about Anakin's mission. I'm talking about ours," Padmé declared. She went back to the cockpit and grabbed her discarded bag. Then she took out two datapads and handed one to Ahsoka. "I downloaded as much information and books about Sartinaynian as I could. If we're going to be investigate, we have to be prepared for what we're going to face down there."

That said, Padmé began silently reading through the information on her datapad and a few moments later, Ahsoka began doing the same. Padmé read over the information she already knew, like the fact that Sartinaynian was of the Braxton system in the outer rim, with a temperate climate, hilly landscapes, and a sky made of reddish-brown and white gassy clouds, and that it was periodically plagued by severe lightning storms. Then she read about how the planet was colonized by humans with anti-alien sentiment and opposed so-called alien membership in the Republic. They kept mostly to themselves until political realities forced them to join the Republic. Even still, though they benefited greatly from the Banking Clan run by the Muuns for financial support, other than strictly business they still held very strong anti-alien sentiment within its social structure. And despite their "loyalty" to the Republic, the Sartinaynian system had resided within confederate territory during the Clone Wars. That alone was enough to make Padmé a little nervous and question exactly what Anakin may have gotten himself into that the entire galaxy thought he was dead.

Padmé looked up from her datapad to discuss this with Ahsoka, who had brought up a holographic map of the entire planet.

"According to what I've researched, the accident that supposedly killed Anakin happened as he was leaving the planet during an electrical storm. Normally, an electric storm wouldn't have caused a ship to spontaneously explode, but there have been cases where the right alignment of technological failure combined with the storm can," Ahsoka said as she spun the planet and then zoomed into a large city. "Republic authorities in Ravelin say the explosion was witnessed by at least a hundred civilians and upon going to the supposed landing site, they only recovered a few spare parts which matched the specs of Anakin's fighter and the body was assumed vaporized in the explosion. A jedi who was dispatched from a nearby system verified the information, including that Anakin was dead."

"What else is there?" Padmé asked.

Ahsoka shrugged. "I don't know. I haven't quite sifted through everything I managed to download after I hacked into the mission archives in the Jedi temple."

Padmé snapped her head to look at Ahsoka.

"What?"

"I said—"

"I heard what you said," Padmé cut in. "But you told me that you didn't know anything else or any specifics about the mission."

"I didn't. Until I put this into the datapad and began to sort into the information," Ahsoka said holding up a datachip.

"And you didn't think that it was imperative enough to tell me about it?"

"I was going to tell you eventually," Ahsoka said with a nonchalant shrug as she went back to inspecting the map.

Padmé pressed her lips together trying to suppress her rising frustration. Her husband, the father of her two beautiful children, was missing and his life was in certain danger. Every moment they wasted was a moment closer to possible death that Anakin was. Yet Ahsoka had somehow seen fit to "forget" that she had more information about Anakin's mission and what officials thought happen. What if Padmé hadn't suggested they research Sartinaynian? Would Ahsoka have even bothered telling her that she had more information they could use?

Padmé set her datapad down and said, "You may not like me very much, Ahsoka, but I am very interested in finding Anakin. I'm the only other person who believes he's alive. We're the only allies in this that each of us have. So I have my own ground rules to set."

Ahsoka turned to look at Padmé again, a smug smirk on her face, the facial marking above her right eye raised. The she said, making sure to drag out the s as she did so, "_Yes_, senator?"

"We both obviously have our secrets. More personal reasons for wanting to save Anakin than either of us are going to share with each other. But when it comes to this mission, there are no secrets. If at any time either of us find out information that might help or hinder us from finding Anakin, we tell each other," Padmé declared. "Agreed?"

Ahsoka stared at Padmé for a while. She looked torn between anger and reluctant resignation at Padmé, judging by the downward curve of her lips and the narrowing of her eyes. But Padmé wasn't intimidated anymore. She no longer cared about trying to find common ground with Ahsoka. The only thing she cared about was finding Anakin, and she would not allow Ahsoka to make that task any more difficult than it already was. Finally, Ahsoka huffed and rolled her eyes as she went back to studying her map.

"As you wish, senator."

* * *

**Chapter Ending Notes:**

So sue me. It's been forever since I updated. Not through any fault of my own. Been busy. Started a new job and all that lovely jazz and have had no time to be on the computer and write at all. So I'm just getting some time to write this, edit it, and post it. Yep. I'm writing as I go for once. I feel like the spontaneity will do me some good. Anywho. Enjoy. Update coming soon. Just don't know when. Lol.


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